February 25, 2009

Rantings and ravings

Something is wrong. I feel a stranger in my own life. Really, If I am not Needed by my friends do I need them? Why must I always feel like I am misunderstood. I know its just my perception so is likely faulty. But what happens to the Man that is no longer needed? So what if your life worked fine, Obviously it did you made so many choices that brought so much happiness to you. Why did you need in the first place? So treat me like a bone that has been over chewed, ready to be buried and never considered again. Its ok really Obviously your the only who had needs. Glad to know you only considered our friendship one sided. and I guess it really was. So much for my delusions that I make a difference. So go back to the way it was before. Go back to whatever you were before. Obviously I didn't help and am only in the way of your growth now. I Know this may offend you but frankly I just need to get it off my chest. I am tired of trying to be there when all along I was not wanted there. I will continue to care but at a distance that we both obviously need. Hope you find your answers and someone else you can confide in. All I wanted was a friend and all I wanted to be was a friend. if that is no longer a mutual goal then seperation is needed. As you so delicately put it " I dont Need them," My life worked before it will work again,

February 05, 2009


Agency, its a concept that has been on my mind heavily this last little bit. Why did God give us agency if it was just in his power to remove all the bad choices? That would solve things wouldn't it? I mean if you cant murder then no murders would ever happen right? sounds like a great Idea right? If someone does something just remove all possibility that they can do it again right? seems logical and sometimes necessary. But then if that was the easy way why do we even have Agency? Why are we allowed to make choices that can affect others? Is it not for our own progression? To prove ourselves to God? If only good Choices were available how could we Judge a Man by his works? If it is truly about learning to grow who are we to make choices that limit another Mans agency and be Justified in it? Consequences is one thing but for a Consequence to be effective a Man must be allowed to make a Choice that receives that consequence.