June 21, 2009

A broken machine

Sometimes, I wonder about my friendships and what I really do contribute to them. I like to think that I am loyal and that I am willing to serve others. But then I wonder, how much good am I really doing? I have a friend that recently got back into a relationship, and as a consequence our friendship has been seriously strained. I know alot of that had to deal with my own weaknesses. But as I conquer my demons of jealousy and self importance, I look at what I used to mean to this person. We could talk about anything, and do it with a smile on our face and joy. Now... I dont know I feel pushed into this corner, and if I make a move to escape the corner I seem to cause more offense. I was once refered to as the Kaboom*Sparkle*Sparkle*, a name to illustrate my lack of humanness? Im not sure, but Im pretty sure this firework is fading out leaving only memorys of a brilliant flash. The machine I was is broken, replaced by a man with nothing left to give. Why must I be treated as the enemy now? I dont quite understand... and probably wont for a long time.
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