March 21, 2010

Opinions and consequences

So I have been humbled, and it took no more than a simple letter from a father to his children, I have been struggling to try to be a help to my family and to be a common ground for the rift that has occurred in it. I am failing, try as I might words fail me. I feel so tired of the constant blame of others that has been happening on a nigh constant basis. The petty power struggles to be sure that we as individuals are right, and others must see us as right as well.

Something has to change, and I know that it is not in my power to change other people, it has to be me that I change, my habits both in communication and application have to become more pure. I must be more full of a Christ-like love. I need to act upon the idea that every action I do is either doing one of two things, loving my neighbor or not loving my neighbor.

I need to realize that the words I say need to be spoken with absolute love, with compassion for another soul. I have to work on allowing others to disagree with me, and not feeling like I have to convince them to my way of thinking. I see the world differently than anyone else can possibly see it, I see it as I experience it. No one else can see it my way, for only I have walked the path that I have tread in this life.

I am responsible for my actions and I will pay the natural consequences of them, it doesnt make the consequence any less to say it was someone elses fault, that I acted because of something that was done or said to me by another. Only I can choose for me, and ultimately I must be held accountable for the results of those choices.

Those that know me know me to be a concerned person for the needs and desires of others, if there is a need I can fill I try to have an attitude that I will do what I can to fix it. But I am realizing something, God is the only one that can "fix" things, I am merely a tool in his hands at times. Sometimes I feel like a cheap wal-mart tool, the kind that will break the first time it encounters a little resistance.

So I move forward this day and all the others to come with a faith that I will be able to be more loving in my actions and in my speech, and that while I cant always be in agreement with my neighbor, I can still love them.

March 11, 2010


What a mess, seriously, its like we are not satisfied with any sense of completeness, life has gotten really hectic. I dont even recognize my room anymore... I want to say its all a deliberate ploy to destroy my peace and harmony but that would be selfish of me.

Of course the mess that is left is going to have to be cleaned up, and who better qualified than those that did not make it.

I think the thing I have the most problem with is the lack of communication that exists where I am concerned. Things happen that doesn't mean I should not at least be told what the hell is going on. I mean seriously is it that hard to talk to someone and say "hey this is whats going to happen, and while we cant say why, at least you are aware now." End of it. But no, I dont even get so much as a days advance warning before my space gets invaded, stuff that was being used by me (even though its not mine) is taken, and im just supposed to be happy about the whole thing.

I have a pile of laundry that I cant get done because they loaded up the washer and dryer. I try to suggest a solution to that and get told that there is another plan involved, when I ask what that is I am told that I will know when its time.... B.S.