July 31, 2010
So yeah, mostly things are getting better, or worse. Depends on your perspective. In a lot of ways I love my life, I love the things I am learning, about life, love and everything. I love the people in it, their influence on me, and how much love they have for me. I love how things seem to happen at the last second when I need them to. And even with all that, I have a hard time being as grateful as I think I should. I complain, a lot, even about things that I have been blessed with. My natural tendencies to HAVE to be right, regardless of who it hurts, I hate that about myself, both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it enables me to take a stand on truth and not waver, but a curse if its only a perception of truth. I was talking with my good friend the other day, I was talking about the difference between Having to be right, and Wanting to be right. And I recognize it might not be seen the same by all. Having to be right is when you can't be wrong, you have to bend everything to fit into your perception of what is right. Wanting to be right is when you want to learn from your wrongs and change them to be right. The fundamental difference between the two is self. Where you see yourself, If you see yourself as an unchanging being, thats when you have to be right. If you see your self as a creature of mortality, and able to fall, it opens up the possibility of change.