Opinions and consequences

So I have been humbled, and it took no more than a simple letter from a father to his children, I have been struggling to try to be a help to my family and to be a common ground for the rift that has occurred in it. I am failing, try as I might words fail me. I feel so tired of the constant blame of others that has been happening on a nigh constant basis. The petty power struggles to be sure that we as individuals are right, and others must see us as right as well.

Something has to change, and I know that it is not in my power to change other people, it has to be me that I change, my habits both in communication and application have to become more pure. I must be more full of a Christ-like love. I need to act upon the idea that every action I do is either doing one of two things, loving my neighbor or not loving my neighbor.

I need to realize that the words I say need to be spoken with absolute love, with compassion for another soul. I have to work on allowing others to disagree with me, and not feeling like I have to convince them to my way of thinking. I see the world differently than anyone else can possibly see it, I see it as I experience it. No one else can see it my way, for only I have walked the path that I have tread in this life.

I am responsible for my actions and I will pay the natural consequences of them, it doesnt make the consequence any less to say it was someone elses fault, that I acted because of something that was done or said to me by another. Only I can choose for me, and ultimately I must be held accountable for the results of those choices.

Those that know me know me to be a concerned person for the needs and desires of others, if there is a need I can fill I try to have an attitude that I will do what I can to fix it. But I am realizing something, God is the only one that can "fix" things, I am merely a tool in his hands at times. Sometimes I feel like a cheap wal-mart tool, the kind that will break the first time it encounters a little resistance.

So I move forward this day and all the others to come with a faith that I will be able to be more loving in my actions and in my speech, and that while I cant always be in agreement with my neighbor, I can still love them.

Mornings

I find myself contemplating a few things this morning, mostly choice. Had a friendly debate yesterday with a friend about whether or not we do anything we dont want to do, she was of the opinion that you cant do something you dont want to, because by doing something you have made the choice to want to do it. I will disagree with that, I believe we do something nine times out of ten because we either want the reward or we fear the consequences. The other ten percent while yes it could be stated that we want to do it, we do it because we believe it is right, that we want to do what is right without thought to reward. Just some strange thoughts rolling through my head at the moment as I look at my life and see me doing things that while my first choice would be not to do them, the ultimate choice is I will do them because; 1. I see no better alternative, 2.My life will be better for the effort despite the consequences of going through that process. 3. That it is right, and no matter how much I dislike the thought of doing it, it is more important that I do whats right than what I want to do.